An Imperfect Vegan
**UPDATE August 19, 2012** Thank you to everyone who participated in the discussion. Thank you to those who disagreed, but remained respectful. A big thank you to those who were kind & supportive, and thank you to those who were able to relate. I appreciate everything that all of you had to say.
I have decided to close the comments, as they started to turn ugly & were no longer serving anyone. (*Comments have been re-opened, as vegans directed from another blog would like to participate in the discussion. Please remain respectful.*) It’s fine if we disagree, but we don’t need to tear each other apart. If you are not happy with me & my decision, please feel free to leave. For those who want to stay, I have a vegan mac & cheese recipe coming that will rock your ethical socks off ;) Thanks so much for all the love, foodies! xoxo
This post, I have no doubt, is going to divide opinions across the board. Some will pat me on the back & possibly relate, some will feel indifferent, and others will strongly disagree with my opinion. That’s okay. Because today this post has one goal, and it is not about making people happy: It is simply about being authentic.
For a long time {about a year}, I have debated about switching back to vegetarianism. Not because I miss cheese or milk, not because I dislike being vegan, & certainly not for health reasons. The truth is, I love being a vegan. I have never been in better health in my life {even my blood work says so!}, I love the way I eat, & I truly cannot fathom drinking a glass of cow’s milk. Just will not happen.
But over the years, I have gotten tired of asking if there is any dairy or eggs in the veggie burgers at restaurants. I get tired of being left with only a basic salad as an option, I get tired of eating another damn plate of stirfry, & I get tired of being the vegan burden that friends & family have to be mindful of when we’re choosing a restaurant: “Wait, can Char eat there?” It used to feel easy, but now my dietary choices sometimes feel uncomfortable.
So you know what? I’ve stopped asking if there is cheese in the veggie burgers or casein in the soy cheese. And when Dallas is willing to meet me halfway & share a huge plate of vegetarian sushi with me, I don’t ask him to order it without mayo. Because we both know it’s often the mayo that makes it so delicious, & I’m just happy that he’s willing to share vegetarian food with me at restaurants.
In addition, there have been many times that I have felt that my being vegan separates me socially. When I’m the only one at a birthday party not having cake, the only one at Thanksgiving not having pecan pie, and the only one whom everyone has to bend over backwards for whenever there is a family dinner. In many of these various situations, I have felt awkward, apologetic, & sometimes even downright bitter about scarfing down a pile of lettuce while other people eat food that may have butter or cheese in it. Other times I have been offered a home-baked cookie, turned it down, and chosen to go home & bake my own pan of “safe” vegan cookies instead….& then proceeded to eat way too many as my body screams “FINALLY COOKAYS!!” Physically, I don’t think the consequential binges of “safe” vegan foods are very healthy, and quite truthfully, I don’t think that it is mentally healthy for me to force myself into restriction {and subsequent binges} considering I do have a long history of eating disorders. I would rather eat the one cookie offered to me & move on than to bake a pan at midnight & eat myself into a sugar coma.
Add to all this that I’m often eating dinner with my respite clients in their home, & that I commonly work 12 hour days between 3 jobs, it gets exhausting trying to make sure I make enough food in the morning to last me ALL DAY. Though my clients have always been supportive & I usually cook dinner for all of us, there are times when it is just simpler for me to eat the vegetarian pizza that they serve rather than to scramble to put something together for myself. Especially because it is their food, & I think it is quite generous that they offer to feed me at all.
In the final month before I decided to let go and be honest with myself, with Dallas, & with my family, I felt incredibly guilty about my choice to start eating foods from an industry that I have fought so passionately against. There was one night where I hid in secret with the free chocolates containing dairy products that I had obtained, eating more than I would normally comfortably eat {no, they were not stolen}. For those who do not understand binge behaviours, they emerge as a result of negative feelings such as shame or guilt. I did not taste those chocolates, I only tasted my guilt. I felt even more awful about my secret, but I knew I was heading onto a path where I would feel more comfortable. I knew I had to let go of the guilt & talk to someone.
When I finally opened up to the people closest to me, they were incredibly supportive. After many talks, I learned to stop feeling guilty, and the bingeing stopped, too. I’m not eating gobs of cheese & guzzling jugs of milk- I am only choosing to eat small amounts of vegetarian food on occasion when vegan food is not available {or when I really just want one cookie or piece of cake}. The truth is, I still make my own almond mylk, I still buy non-dairy cheeses {Daiya!!}, yogurts {So Delicious!!}, & ice creams {So Delicious again!!}. I still cook and bake vegan food. But when I’m out at restaurants or staying with family, it’s nice not to stress about “OH MY GOSH WHAT WILL I EAT??” {And I’m so freaking sick of eating stirfry.} I used to pack a breakfast, lunch, dinner, & snacks every time I’d go to stay with my mom & her hubby in Victoria for just ONE night. Now it’s nice not prepare anything, knowing that they will have plenty of vegetarian options for me if there aren’t any vegan ones. My mom even keeps almond mylk in the fridge now!
I am prepared for a backlash. But I have now been vegetarian for about two months, & I feel much more mentally relaxed. The truth is, we have to accept that none of us is perfect. We can try our hardest to minimize suffering in the world, but often we forget that people suffer in vegetable & fruit production, too. Small animals may suffer as well, being caught under the tractors in grain production. Unless we are able to grow everything we eat in our own backyard, there is going to be suffering. My goal is to reduce that harm as much as possible, while also being gentle on myself. I have also often reiterated this point to friends, family, & readers- make the best choice you can at each meal, but forgive yourself for not being perfect. So yes, by choosing vegetarian, I’m being a little bit selfish in a sense. But I believe health is holistic, not just one part, and too often we focus only on the physical. Right now, I need to take care of me.
Because I know someone will ask, no, I will not be eating meat. I do not like it, I don’t miss it, and there are substitutes anyway. I cannot consciously eat something dead. To each their own, but I am quite happy being a vegetarian. We live in a world where vegetarianism is widely accepted, and I feel like I will have enough edible options just opening up that door. So far, so good, so happy!
My blog will stay mostly vegan, as I prefer to eat vegan anyway {as stated above}. As I said, I still buy my favourite vegan products, I still choose to support them, & I look forward to seeing more of them. I do not think dairy is physically healthy- again, I am making the switch to save my mental health and to make social gatherings more comfortable. I promise to always be honest with you on my blog about whether the food I post is 100% vegan or not, and you will never be left wondering.
I realize some people will feel very passionate about this subject, and that’s okay. I admit, I have silently judged people in the past for going back from vegan, & I fully expect it to come full-circle. I welcome discussion, even if you disagree, but I do ask that the comments be kept respectful.
to health <3
Char, xo
Categories: Life | 73 Comments
I can understand where you’re coming from, but if we don’t have people continue to fight for vegan options, as opposed to vegetarian options, cows and chickens will continue to suffer. For me, being vegan and being “left out” is worth it. “Sorry Mama Cow, I know your baby was ripped away from you and will be turned into veal, but I just have to be able to eat in social situations.” Doesn’t make sense to me.
It sounds like the fight in you is gone. I suggest you visiting a dairy farm or watching an undercover video from a dairy/egg farm. Maybe then you’ll put the animals’ rights in front of your own comfort.
And lastly, when you eat vegetarian you’re telling the world, “I care, but only to a certain extent.”
I’m glad you’re at least staying vegetarian, but it’s a shame you’re putting your own wants, not needs, ahead of animals that are suffering.
Tara,
I do still fight for vegan options. I have requested Daiya at my favourite restaurants & they now carry it, which is awesome! But there are times where I’m out with people & there are just no vegan options. Sure, I can request that they get it in for next time. But I think part of raising awareness is being flexible rather than rigid & judgmental.
I have watched Earthlings 5 or 6 times. It’s awful & I hate that it happens. I bawl my eyes out every time I see that movie. But we all need to remember to look at the big picture: it’s all the little things that add up, but eating a vegetarian item here & there will not make a significant contribution to factory farming. Did you know it’s impossible to be 100% vegan? If you’ve ever driven a car (tires) or slept in a bed (impossible to own a vegan mattress) or stepped on a bug, you’ve contributed to animal suffering. It is unfortunately impossible for us to exist without creating suffering. We just have to do the best we can.
But as I pointed out in my post: at home, I am still vegan. I eat Earth Balance, Daiya, So Delicious yogurt, I make my own almond mylk or I buy Silk, and so on. My honesty in this post was to address the odd occasion (read: a couple of times a year) where it makes it easier on my clients, friends, and family to feed me. If I have a choice between vegan & vegetarian food, I choose vegan 100% of the time. Just sometimes, it’s not really an option.
As if there are not enough things in life to feel guilt and judgement and shame over. I can sense how much this bothers you, and as a person who eats whatever I want with common sense I just want to say, do what makes you happy. The people who should feel shame are people who force their opinion down your throat. I cant stand people who aren’t happy with their own decision to be vegan but also need to tell you how horrible you are for not being. Support the rights of animals in other ways, don’t make your life miserable over it.
Thank you, Natalie. I really appreciate your comment. I think too often vegans focus on being kind to animals, & not caring at all about humans. We have feelings, too! And not one of us is perfect. I do the best I can, but some commenters are making it sound like I’m suddenly scarfing cheeseburgers & don’t give a crap anymore. Worry about your life, & I’ll worry about mine.
Again, thank you! xo
Up until about a year ago I actually didn’t fully understand binging behavior. In my case it is probably mostly linked to depression, but the shame is overwhelming.
As to the rest of your post, no judging here.
I have been vegan for over 15 years and the social aspect on occasion gets old. I don’t think about my diet too much until a family member, an ex-boyfriend, or people at a party point it out. The strange thing is, it often seems to almost invoke guilt in them which I find bizarre, although I do have people use it as manipulation “Oh, I can’t get that because SAM won’t eat it – whatever” but I also stopped going out with people like that.
In the end Char you are a good person making the best ethical decisions you can. The general public is still largely a meat-eating public.I would love if some more ethics would go behind animal product production, but I don’t judge or hate the people that consume it.
Keep on being you.
And thanks for drawing attention to the social-tiring aspects. I really am not impacted by it as much anymore, but on the other hand I have probably slowly made changes to avoid it.
PS. My pets are not vegan…not even vegetarian which is often down right scandalous to some vegan eaters.
I didn’t fully understand my bingeing behaviour for years, either. I find understanding it definitely helps in preventing it, though old habits sneak up whenever I’m stressed. At least it’s easier for me to recognize now what it is that’s bothering me *hugs* I hope you’re doing much better now that you’re understanding it, too.
Thank you so much for your support & kind words, Samantha <3 Yes, it can be very challenging in social situations. I’m very glad that many vegans seem to be able to relate & not judge. Keep on being you
I am with you on the pets! I feed my cats local, organic food, but it contains meat. They are carnivores! I read up on vegan cat food once out of curiosity, but discovered that you have to keep treating them for urinary tract infections because it’s hard on their bodies. I don’t think that’s fair to do to an animal, & I don’t think it’s ethical. My kitties are meat eaters, and I don’t care who judges me.
No judgement here at all! I think that it would be challenging. I know being dairy free in social situations is such a huge pain, and sometimes I wish I could just eat whatever I want – if I had a choice I absolutely 100% would – so you go girl!!! You are loved no matter what!!
you are such a doll, Jess! I really appreciate your comment on facebook, too
I wish I could take away your allergy! haha. That’s something I thought about- why self-impose a rigid dietary restriction when there are people who HAVE to live that way & don’t want to? I love being vegan, but I love the idea of being flexible, too. People are just as important to me as animals 
Again, thank you so much for your kind words! xoxo
Good for you for being true to yourself. Although I eat a primarily vegan diet, I prefer to call myself a vegetarian because every once in awhile I will have some cheese if it’s on a salad, or I will have a Clif bar made with non-vegan chocolate. I’ve always felt that my dietary choices are mine alone. Just like I wouldn’t want a meat eater telling me to eat a steak, I don’t think a vegan should tell me to not have something made with dairy. But that’s my $.02.
Not sure if you’re familiar with Scott Jurek – a famous vegan ultra runner. As he says in one of the chapters in his new book – Eat and Run – sometimes you just have to do what you think is best and eat what’s available. He lives a vegan lifestyle and is an advocate for it, but…he acknowledges that sometimes it’s impossible to be 100% vegan. (that’s his opinion from the book, folks – please don’t rip me apart)
Life is too short to be miserable. Do what makes you happy.
Thank you, Roxanne!! That’s exactly how I eat- primarily vegan, but sometimes vegetarian when I need to be, or that’s what is offered. I think dietary choices are definitely very personal, & for no one else to judge against.
I hadn’t heard of Scott Jurek before but I will check out his book! Kathy Freston speaks along the same lines, saying that sometimes there will be a small pat of butter in the rice at a restaurant, but to forgive yourself & do the best you can. It’s not about being perfect, but about putting in the effort. I like these vegans
And your last line: “Life is too short to be miserable.” I totally agree! One of my girlfriends said to me today: “We have enough stressors in our lives & things we guilt ourselves over every day. Food should never be one of them.” So true.
That takes GUTS! I don’t care if you disagree with Char’s decision, it’s hard to make a confession like that in a vegan community! And about the veal comment, Char made it perfectly clear that meat was still off the menu. I know from talking to her that this is about those trace amounts of dairy products or eggs.
Also, PETA makes an excellent point on their website about this very subject. If we refuse to eat the things that are 97% vegan, we are saying there is no market for those foods. But if we keep supporting the production of foods vegetarian and vegan alike, we can show these companies that we do value products made with little or no animal substances.
As for the social isolation, no one should judge anyone here. We all have different situations, our friends and family may be more or less supportive than each others, and we just have to give each other the respect of believing that we’re doing the best we can in the situation we’re in.
Good for you, Char! Even if there is a bunch of opposition, at least you’re being honest, and you know where you stand! I’m proud of you!
haha I love your display name
THANK YOU LITTLE SISTER!! I appreciate your support so much! It was definitely hard to make this announcement, but I felt like I needed to be authentic. And that’s exactly right, trace amounts of dairy & egg here and there. I am not buying 5lb blocks of cheese & 4L jugs of milk. There is still Daiya in my freezer & almond mylk in my fridge. Love my vegan food <3
Keep being you <3
We do have to let them know there is a market for those foods! And advocate for vegan where possible, but do the best we can in each situation we’re given. And yes, all of our lives are so very different. It’s impossible to know what it’s like to live someone else’s life.
Thank you for all of the love
Aww. Thanks for opening up.
You’ve got to do what works for you and I’ve got your back
Thank you so much, Liz! I really appreciate it
LOVE IT!!!!!
Good for you! & damn to h*ll whomever doesn’t like it. We made the decision to be a ‘plant~based’ family for similar reasons. Not because we want to eat fish, meat or eggs… but because IF we eat a cookie or some baking we don’t want it to consume us to death that there may have been something in there….. it also seemed to help others judge us less on the whole protein thing too. So now, we are a plant based family & loving it!
congrats, much love
T
haha! I love this comment! Thank you, Tamara
I love the “plant-based” …label?…you use! But really, who needs labels?
I totally agree- I try the best I can, but I don’t want the guilt to consume me when I do slip up. That’s why I thought I should be honest about who I am & the choices I make. I’m not perfect, and that’s okay.
much love back to you, Tamara! xo
Char, you’ve got guts! Thanks for sharing, your honesty.
This very issue is part of the reason why I changed my blog name from Whole Foods Vegan Momma to Bring Joy. I didn’t want to box myself in, or put create expectations. I love being vegan, I don’t eat meat, I don’t buy butter, cheese, milk, etc. etc. But if a veggie burger happens to have egg in it & it’s my only option at a restaurant, no sweat for me. It didn’t use to be this way, but for me, I it’s about the principle, not the the nitty gritty details. Plant-based is often a friendly term for a lot of people because there’s not as much pressure to be “perfect.”
No judging here, I think it’s fantastic you’re open & honest & unlike some vegans, I think being vegetarian is a great way to go (personally, I can’t tolerate dairy, so that aspect of veganism is easy for me).
Sending lots of love your way!~ox
Thank you, Janae!! I’m loving this plant-based term. I feel like it sits well with me
I agree, I don’t want to be consumed by nitty gritty details. I used to let it bother me, but I’m getting better about recognizing my limitations & being more gentle with myself.
As for the dairy…haha, I am quite severely lactose intolerant, as I’ve been discovering. So, as I said in the post, I still cook vegan food at home. When I’m out, I have to think long & hard about whether something will be “worth it” before I indulge
There are a few reasons why I still eat a primarily vegan diet & that is one of them!
Much love to you! Thank you so much for your support <3 xoxo
My sweet little cousin … that took courage and I’m so proud of you for doing what you need to do to be happy. You have to do what works for you. You are supported from all around and we adore you for who you are, NOT what you eat. I know it was a hard decision as I know your passion for being vegan. But in the long run I can see how this is going to take away so much stress and ease your tendencies to overindulge. Life is stressful enough without worrying about dinners out and visiting friends and family. I used to feel that way when I first met Dan’s family and they didn’t eat the way I did (healthy, low-fat, low-calorie with itentions to maintain a huge weight-loss) but I did what you did and brought my own food and was NEVER judgemental, but I felt singled out and different and that’s sad and upsetting. You are a wonderful inspiration by the way you live your life with love, kindness and respectfulness and in case you hadn’t noticed … I adore you
“we adore you for who you are, NOT what you eat” < —thank you for that
I adore you, too! Your comment is so beautiful & sweet- thank you for such kind words! I totally understand what you mean about bringing your own food. Even when no one is judgmental, it’s still uncomfortable & you somehow don’t feel like you’re a part of the “group” when you have your own “special” food. *hugs* I totally hear you. Thank you so much again for your support! I miss you…sushi date soon? xo
Hey Char!
This post is amazing. It takes so much to open up to people in the way that you have. I think what you are choosing to do is great. I am the same way- I eat a mostly vegan diet but if I am at a friends/family member’s house, I will eat non-vegan but still vegetarian items. I also do not drink any milk that is not plant-based and do not think that I ever will.
I eat a mostly vegan diet, mainly for health reasons and because of the way I feel when I eat that way. Eating cheese, an egg, chocolate with dairy in it every so often doesn’t effect that though, and GOODNESS- is it ever easier.
I respect you so much for posting this, and for the decisions you have made up until this point!
Keep up the great blogging and the honesty!
-Danielle
Thank you so much, Danielle! I really appreciate your support. I’m glad you can relate & understand where I’m coming from. I also prefer to eat mostly vegan, but not feel so guilty about occasionally eating vegetarian. It happens, and life is too short to punish ourselves over food.
Thank you for your kind words, Danielle! It means a lot
I am vegan in my heart,but vegetarian in my actions. I totally get where you are coming from. I can only guess the struggles you have been dealing with up to making this decision. People’s negative reactions can be misplaced. You are still a good person, sensitive to your family and friends as well as the animal world. I was released from the guilt of “never doing enough” when I read Gandhi’s quote…”be the change you wish to see in the world”. You obviously want a more loving, kind world. How ironic that being more kind and loving to yourself should bring out the harsh judgement of others. Perhaps they should re evaluate the impression they maybe making in this world and where they may be falling short of perfection.
“I am vegan in my heart,but vegetarian in my actions.” <—-I love this! I feel the same- I wish the whole world was vegan & it were easier for everyone to eat this way, but alas, we have to do the best we can. It was very hard to make this decision, & even harder to post about it on my blog. Thank you for your understanding & empathy. I really appreciate your support. It’s too bad when others like to point out what we “don’t” do, rather than focusing on all of the things that we “do” do. Not one of us is perfect, we are all human.
Thank you again, Monica <3
You’ve got guts Char Star! I applaud you for being true to your followers and yourself. You have been open, honest and laid it all out there. You are 100% real.
Anyone that reads your post can clearly see that you remain committed to the ethical treatment of all living things and shame on anyone who gives your backlash. Those that do need to reconsider how sensitive to living beings they really are before they lash out because you are a living being too.
Don’t you dare feel guilty for anything; for doing what’s right for you, for being honest about what is right for you and for taking charge of your physical and emotional health. What you have done is demonstrate a strength of character that we all have the power to achieve but never take the action to make happen for ourselves. Those that try to take you down will do so because it makes them feel better about themselves. The only person you have to answer to is you!
You have my utmost respect and everlasting support.
I love you, Auntie Lolo! I saw your post on Facebook, too. Thank you so much for always supporting me no matter what! No guilt- I am doing what is right for me. I felt really bad at first, but have been slowly moving past it & feeling much more comfortable now. I am doing the best I can in a cruel world to reduce suffering, but am recognizing my limits. It feels so good to have loving people like you at my side.
I miss you & love you tons!
love, Georgie. xoxo
I understand where’s you’re coming from and I appreciate you being honest and open about where you are. I am really comfortable eating out, but it’s when you go to someone’s house that I feel the guilt & the pressure. Or honestly, a cruise. It makes me mad that our choices make us feel that way, but it does sometimes. I’m still working through it and I know it’s right for me right now, but no judgement from me girl! =) Thank you for sharing your feelings!
thank you so much, Heather! I know what you mean. Some restaurants I’m totally fine with options, while at others I am very limited. It is frustrating, but hopefully the world will continue to become more veggie friendly as the years pass. And being at people’s houses, especially when they’re not even used to eating vegetarian, I sometimes feel guilty about imposing. It’s tough, but I find it’s less stressful on hosts when I’m willing to meet them halfway. Thank you for being so supportive & understanding
much love to you, lady! xo
Wow!! Your honesty is refreshing and so brave! Thank you for sharing, Char! I totally understand the feelings of being apologetic to people for your veganism; being celiac AND vegetarian, I feel like that almost all the time. I have absolutely no judgement about this decision of yours , in fact, I think it’s amazing that you are doing something to take care of yourself if this decision makes sense for you. I will continue to be a loyal reader, and hope that you’ll share your thoughts about this and how the change affects your life with your readers in the future!! Hugs!!
thank you so much, Jillian! you’re so very sweet
I will absolutely continue to update & let you guys know. So far it has made certain situations much less stressful, & I can relax a little more.
hugs to you!! xo
I’m not stressing about your choice. You should do what is comfortable to do. It’s your right. although I’m a vegan, my family is mostly vegetarian (they will eat seafood and sometimes chicken if need be),and I accept their ways without question.
I think if you want to relax on the vegan reins and be a vegetarian, go for it! I support you 100%
Thank you, Katie!! I agree, I have always encouraged my friends & family to eat veggie, but never discriminated against them when they didn’t. Everyone has to make their own choice & that’s that.
I always find it just astounding how much people judge and criticize others eating habits. I’m glad you’re doing what is best for you, and were able to recognize what u need. I know the feeling of having people have to cater to me at meals and I wish so badly I could change that! Fully understand and support your decisions
Thank you, Carly! I’m so happy that most of the feedback is positive, but I knew some of it would be negative. *shrug* I understand where some of them are coming from, but when it’s no longer mentally healthy, I need to cut myself some slack & not focus so much on being “perfect.” People are just as important to me as animals are. Thank you for your support, love
Great timing on this post. First of all, good for you for doing what you need to do for yourself. I have been thinking about the same thing – loosening the reins in social situations and eating vegetarian. I am thinking I may have more impact fighting for farm animal rights politically – as well as eating vegan at home – and if a veggie burger has an egg in it at a restaurant, then so be it. Thanks for your honesty.
So glad you can relate, Kathy! I agree- it’s easier for people to hear the message when they don’t see us struggling to get through a meal. Most people don’t want to put themselves in awkward situations. If we do the best we can to balance between compassion for animals AND for humans, then I think more people will be drawn to the cause. Thank you for your comment
I think it takes more guts to go back from being vegan than to become vegan in the first place. So great job for putting yourself first.
I understand where you’re coming from. I eat gluten-free by choice, and sometimes I’ll just not ask whether something has gluten in it or not. What I don’t know won’t hurt me!
I’m also a pescetarian and I avoid dairy and refined sugar. I still eat eggs and fish, and I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to go without eggs – they’re in everything! But I would like to become a full vegetarian as I do not like the taste or the fact that they were once alive. I don’t think I will ever become a vegan, though. It is hard enough with all my other dietary needs, and people already act like I’m one of “those” people, who can’t eat anything, which I guess I am, but in my own home, I’m not!
But thanks for posting this, because it made me realize that I am a little bit too strict with my own diet, and cutting myself some slack will benefit me, rather than harm me.
Good for you, Elsie! I think quite often we are too hard on ourselves with many things, including food. Whether it’s ethical, organic, how many calories are in it, etc. I have long believed that if we don’t like our choices at one meal, we should forgive ourselves & vow to do better at the next meal. Yes, please do be easy on yourself
Thank you so much for your comment! xo
You know who doesn’t understand your decision? The cows that you are enslaving with your actions. Eating dairy directly contributes to the suffering of females cows, and guess what they do to the male calfs who are born in the process of getting dairy? They make them into veal.
Frankly, your post is full of excuses for why you are knowingly making the wrong decision. I thought you were strong enough. It is not your job to make meat-eaters feel comfortable. It is your job to do what is right. You are right have felt guilty eating dairy in the past. Guilt is one of the thing that separates psychopaths from normal people. Trying to find a way to justify eating dairy so you don’t feel guilty about it, is the same as a racist finding a way to justify the horrible things he has done.
So good job. Once you were a role-model for the strong and proud. Now you are a role model for those too weak to to what they know is right. I for one will not be supporting you in any fashion, because you are worse than those brainwashed people who don;t know any better. You know better and choose to be wrong. For shame.
(P.S. you “judging people” for turning away from veganism. Will you not feel guilt and self-loathing knowing you are the same?)
I think all you folks need to get back to your roots. Going vegan wasn’t an easy choice. You all did it for very strong reasons. Now you have forgotten those reasons.
All you part time vegans, you may be on the right path, but you are still causing violence and suffering in this world. I am VERY proud to say “NO ANIMALS HAVE DIED FOR ME!”
I know how the dairy industry works, Jamie. I don’t think my eating a vegetarian meal two or three times a year is going to determine whether factory farming booms those days or not. This was not an easy decision for me to make, but I have to understand there are limits to what I can achieve with my activism.
“It is not your job to make meat-eaters feel comfortable.” < —You must not have many friends or communicate with your family much, eh? My family & friends have always been incredibly supportive of my lifestyle, but they are even more excited about meeting me halfway. When I’m willing to eat vegetarian (when vegan is not an option), so are they. No meat is getting eaten then, right? Small victories. This also means more people are encouraged to eat veggie foods.
“Guilt is one of the thing that separates psychopaths from normal people.” <— lol. Clearly I’m a psychopath. Normal people never feel guilt over anything
It is vegans like you who drive people away from the movement. I would never be your friend anyway. I still think you must not have many with the way you like to talk to people. Wasn’t there some unwritten rule about veganism being a “compassionate” lifestyle? *cough cough*
“I for one will not be supporting you in any fashion, because you are worse than those brainwashed people who don;t know any better.” < — that’s okay. I don’t want you here
“Will you not feel guilt and self-loathing knowing you are the same?” <— I already talked about this in the post. I did feel awful. But I’m not scarfing cheeseburgers into my face & I’m eating vegan whenever possible. I’m not throwing up my hands & completely giving up. I’m just recognizing my limits & being gentle with myself. You would probably benefit from doing the same.
“I am VERY proud to say ‘NO ANIMALS HAVE DIED FOR ME!’” <—It must be lonely up there on your perfect pedestal. Ever stepped on a bug? Slept on a mattress? Driven a car? Then something has died for you. Be thankful.
Jamie, Char is stronger than you’ll ever be and you wanna know why? Because she makes the best of things. She doesn’t go all… psycho… when someone makes a decision that is THEIR DECISION TO MAKE (aka not yours).
Do you have any idea how emotionally taxing it would be to write this post, let alone make the decision in the first place? You should but I’m guessing you probably don’t because you’re up on some moral high horse. Try being a little more supportive… I’m sorry but think of the logistics of it: consuming a non-Vegan meal a few times a year is SO insignificant. Why get all worked up?
I totally get where Char’s coming from.
Just so you know, Jamie… It was Char and a couple other friends who helped me become Vegan (straight from Omnivore) a little over a year ago. If I had had many (or possibly even *any*) people like YOU in my life, I doubt I would have made that change; I certainly had never considered it before in my life. Fortunately, most Vegans are nothing like you.
Keep up the good fight Char!!! <3
loling at your first comment on psycho, Chels
Awesome.
I’m so honoured that I could help you make the transition, Chelsea. Thank you! But I’m proud of you for sticking with it. Fortunately there aren’t many vegans like Jamie, because they completely turn people off of veganism. I would have never felt “encouraged” by such a…psychopath. It’s like one crazy religious person that screams “SINNER!! YOU’RE GOING TO HELL!!” while others are quite normal.
You keep up the good fight, too, Chelsea! Thank you for having my back <3
Char, I just want to say I love you. Way to stick up for yourself, there are some friggin idiots commenting with such negativity and it’s not needed. Like you said veganism has to deal with compassion and clearly some vegans out there don’t realize this.
And Jamie Nordli, you’re the reason people hate vegans in the first place! I hate to tell you but, NO ONE, including yourself, is perfect. Also, psychopaths don’t feel guilt, that’s why they’re psychopaths.
Thank you, Sarah!! Spot on about the psychopaths- that’s why they get away with murder, because no one ever suspects due to their lack of emotions. That comment made absolutely no sense. I think Jamie needs to take Psychology 111.
I guarantee it’s impossible to NEVER hurt a living thing, even unintentionally, and I guarantee that it’s impossible to always be PERFECT. We are human. Many of us (*cough* not Jamie *cough*) have the best intentions, but we have to recognize our limits. Beating ourselves up over silly things like chocolate chip cookies are why depression is so rampant in our society. Clearly some people need to step back, breathe…& eat a fucking cookie.
Love you, Sarah! xo
I forgot to mention in my post, that Char was also the reason I became Vegan. So with all the people she’s turned veggie or almost veggie, her eating a few vegetarian meals will not make that big of a difference, so relax people.
Love you too, Char! <3 xo
Thank you, Sarah! I so appreciate your support, & I’m so proud of you for so many reasons. I’m lucky to have you as a friend
xoxo
hey Jamie more intelligent words have come out of my butt than your mouth
hahaha Layne
Hey Jamie Nordli,
Way to go on your psychopathic diagnosis. Who would know better than you, considering you appear to fit the profile. Let go of your anger, be kind and learn to love yourself and all living things; like a true vegan.
Congratulations Char, you appear to have built up a loyal following of people willing to half-ass their beliefs. I do not feel bad for what I have said. I do not feel bad for being willing to fly off the handle in the name of offending fake vegans. Do not call yourself vegan. You are not. 99% vegan is not good enough. 99% pacifist is still a violent individual.
First, you claim eating dairy 2 or 3 times does not affect the dairy industry. I say, you are one of many. Your actions are being watched, not only by your followers, but by your friends and family. If every vegan ate dairy 3 times a year, that is a substantial amount of dairy consumed, and even worse, it is a large message to everyone watching us that “WE DONT TAKE OUR BELIEFS SERIOUSLY”
You say your family is willing to meet you halfway, and accuse me of having no friends. My family eats vegan when I am around, and always exclaims at how amazing it tastes. I have my friends over for vegan dinners, and they enjoy it. so, small victories for you, which include small defeats, large victories for me.
Normal people feel guilt over things they should feel guilty about. Trying to justify guilt because everyone feels it is like trying to justify hate because everyone hates something.
To claim you would never be my friend is interesting. You are a public figure. I dont care about you, but 6 months ago if I had met you, I would care about you and your cause. If you had never started a vegan website I would care about you as a person, and e
verytime you complained about not feeling good I would ask you what you have eaten, and suggest you eat some fruit. But you have taken the time to grow a following, and in that you are now a shepherd, and you are responsible for your flock. Currently, you are leading your flock astray, and providing them with excuses. I cannot respect someone who would doom others to suffer from their weaknesses. We all have weaknesses, but you justify yours, and in doing so attempt to make others follow you down paths that you know are wrong.
I am thankful. I am thankful for my friends who accept me for me and dont ask me to change. I am thankful for my vegans friends, who are committed to their beliefs. I am thankful that I am a strong enough person that I do not need to fit in to be happy with myself. The fact is, the status quo is wrong,and all of us know it. The question is, how much are you truly willing to stand out in order to right the status quo?
P.S. I felt alot of hate reading the responses here. Char said she expected some harsh judgement. I did not say anything that was not true or fair. I did not make assumptions or slander her. I only said what she expected to hear. I guess what truly separates me from all of you is I am willing to stand up and shout about what I believe in, when you are all still trying to fit in, just in a different crowd.
And compassion. Please, impregnate a cow, send her baby to a veal crate, and milk her until her udders are bloody, then come talk to me about which one of us has compassion. My compassion is not towards humans, who are doing fine, have freedom and shelter from cruelty. My compassion goes to the animals we enslave, who have no comforts, and live a short and tragic life, so that we don’t have to “feel awkward in social settings.”
All you who respond such hateful things, I get it.
To the average vegan, who ate cheese in a moment of weakness, I would respond “Hey man, it is still a heck of a lot better than normal”, But Char, you are a public figure. Look at how people flock to defend your choice. Do you not belief that in their moment of weakness, when they are deciding wether or not to eat dairy, or a piece of meat, that they will think to your post, and the excuses you illustrated, and then claim sanctuary and go ahead and do what is wrong for the animals, and their body, and the planet? Are you not leading people to be worse off?
I did not call myself a vegan. I eat vegan at home & most of the time when I’m out. When it’s available, that’s what I eat. I call myself a vegetarian because I do eat dairy & eggs that one percent, when I have no other choice. I guarantee that no matter how much you want to believe you are 100% vegan, you are not. We all try our best, but will fall short somewhere. I do not need your “all-or-nothing” mentality, & I have never preached it to anyone. I think anyone who puts in their best effort at the majority of their meals is worth praising. This is not a cult blog, but one where we celebrate food.
Thing is, no one is perfect. A Christian might swear once in awhile or drink one too many beers. Is he not a Christian anymore then? Of course he is- he’s just a human who makes mistakes.
I have hosted many vegan dinners. Click here for one of my Thanksgiving posts, here for one of my Christmas posts, & here for when Dallas’ sisters came to visit. When they come over, I will continue to treat them to vegan food. I am sure they will continue to try to prepare vegan food for me. But when I’m invited to someone’s house, I often don’t have a chance to prepare something beforehand, and if the meal they prepare isn’t 100% vegan, so be it. But you know, I don’t have to justify myself to you.
I have beaten myself up enough about food. I have obsessed over carbs, calories, fat grams, sugar, grains, fruit, chocolate…I am done with feeling guilty over food. You may not know what it’s like to live with an eating disorder, & I am not asking for your understanding. But I am not going to continue to mentally harm myself to make people like you happy.
In regards to making assumptions & slandering me, yes, you did. I said I expected backlash, but I asked that comments be kept respectful. Though I heard disagreeing comments from others, none were as harsh as you have been. Your response was anything but respectful, and I feel no remorse in how I’ve responded to you. You are an unkind individual, and I have no time for people like you.
Just because people in a first world country are not kept in slavery does not mean that we do not deserve compassion. Every person on this planet has a heart-breaking story, one that deserves compassion. To say you eat only ethically is to assume that the migrant workers in third world countries picking your vegetables & bananas are working in excellent conditions and totally happy. It is far from the truth- do some research & educate yourself. Keep patting yourself on the back, though.
The only difference between me and the “average vegan” is that I’m willing to acknowledge & admit the fact that I am not perfect. That in a moment of “weakness,” I ate the veggie burger without asking to see the ingredients. Don’t kid yourself by believing it’s possible to eat 100% vegan all the time. I’m at least willing to admit it & use the vegetarian label. So be it. Your approval is not the reason I get out of bed in the mornings.
Hi there, I heard from a friend you are going back to eating animal secretions
“I have gotten tired of asking if there is any dairy or eggs in the veggie burgers at restaurants. I get tired of being left with only a basic salad as an option”
It’s like saying you are sick of checking your shoes for dog doo doo so now you just walk in it….:-(
It’s quite obvious to me that you are hungry and trying to justify your decision via other reasons. You aren’t eating enough dense carbohydrate calories. You’ve got too much fat in your vegan diet and not enough clean carbohydrates, I highly recommend http://www.drmcdougall.com. Please remember Vegetarianism is a very unhealthy diet and not at all safe from many of the mainstream diseases experienced by standard meat eaters. Also expect some big time weight gain over the next few months, after all cows milk is designed to fatten up the calf. Don’t forget to check out http://www.notmilk.com
Eggs are commonly used in scientific studies to demonstrate the adverse side effects of cholesterol in the body .They are little acid balls the fall from the chickens assgina, they were never meant to be eaten by humans or else we would enjoy their flavour raw without any condiments.
Cheese is rancid solidified bovine secretion that is the PERFECT weight gain food as they clog up the lymphatic system and prevent it from cleanses itself.
And… I used to live on a small organic farm, trust me the animals still suffer immensely. We stole a lot of milk from our cows over the years (that was meant for their babies). We had them routinely raped to produce more milk. When they no longer gave us milk, we betrayed their trust with the final insult and sent them to what the adults called “The knackery” or what I soon learned to be – “The House of Slaughter”. Little did I know they were going to be butchered up into dog food. Or heinously fed back to other herbivorous animals to unnaturally increase their milk production (due to the high cholesterol content).
Many say that the industry associated with the promotion and production of dairy and eggs is just as cruel as the one dealing directly with the slaughter and sale of flesh. Cows and chickens are abused (including routinely raped) for longer periods and slaughtered when they are no longer ‘useful’ (at about a 5th of their natural lifespan). We have been brainwashed from a very young age to think that eating other animals is not only normal but essential to health. To view them as a food staple and treat them like a commodity.
Veganism isn’t just a diet, it’s a lifestyle and those who go back were never really Vegan to start with. Please learn to follow a high carb vegan lifestyle and educate yourself more to the ill health experienced by vegetarians and the conditions innocent animals are subjected to due to our support of the industry (organic or not).
Hi, Freelee! I found your comment in the spam folder. How fitting that my website would know what to do with 30 Bananas A Day
I am not hungry. I did your fruit bingeing diet for well over a year. Not only did it cost me a ridiculous amount of money, but I only felt well for the first 6 months. I have found a healthy balance between a high-fruit diet and cooked veggies & grains added in. My diet is low-fat, but it’s interesting how you assume that right off the bat about everybody. I don’t think every person needs to eat ONLY fruit in order to thrive. You might want to research the conditions the workers harvesting your bananas work in, though. Ethical, indeed.
I know a few lovely fruitarians who are kind-hearted people. I actually discovered the lifestyle through Chris Kendall and found him very supportive. I admire him very much. Meg Rivard is another lovely lady that I admire very much.
But you & Harley? I have no time for. Even when I was a fruitarian, I had no interest in being a part of your cult. I have seen how your community abuses its members, & I never want to be associated with it. Similar to you, I have also battled eating disorders. Dissimilar to you, I decided to find out the psychological reasons for them, rather than eating 14 bananas for lunch. I quite like being able to eat a piece of chocolate now and then. It’s so much easier to have a healthy relationship with food than feel like I need to stuff myself with fruit to be happy.
As for the comment about weight gain, I was a skinny mini BEFORE going vegan. Yeah, if I was bingeing on ice cream & cheese, of course I would get fat. But I’m not. Clearly you did not read my post. I suggest you read it again. A couple of times a year eating a vegetarian diet will not suddenly make me porky. I still make my own almond mylk, drink my smoothies, eat fruit & veggies, buy vegan cheeses, etc. I eat vegan at home! Why do I have to keep re-iterating this point?? I don’t need to justify my choices to you.
Please take your cult preachings elsewhere. You will never find me in the 30BaD community. Have a nice day.
Char, I knew I liked you!
I’ve been following this discussion & good for you for sticking up for yourself. I really appreciate the common sense your bringing to the table.
Your critics are bringing dogmatic, hateful energy to the arena of public discourse, & frankly, it’s silly. Know that I’ve got your back. You go girl.
Thank you so much, Janae!! I appreciate having strong, sensible, & compassionate people like you on my side. The people bringing ugliness here are toxic- I almost feel sad for them that they feel the need to treat people so horribly. But toxic people are not people I value, & there is no room for them in my life.
I am so thankful for your support, Janae <3 xoxo
P.S. my site stats have been through the roof the past few days…I have a feeling you’re not the only one following the discussion ;)
Of course!
Nothing like a good controversy to get people’s attention :).
hahaha sooo true! This is all amusing to me, too
Hello, I was brought here from another blog (bring-joy) as someone who is trying to adopt a vegan lifestyle I really appreciate your honesty. The things you brought up are things and situations I have not mastered yet. I have had a lot of guilt when I eat something that is not totally vegan. But reading your post has reminded me that it’s not about perfection, and if I eat something that is made with cheese and milk from time to time I am not a complete failure. I often see things only in black and white, pass fail so to speak. I know that if I only read things and opinions like those critics that have posted here in the comments, I would never even consider a vegan
Ifestyle…I thought it was supposed to be about compassion, some of these comments don’t seem in line with that sentiment. Thanks for your post, it was really what I needed to *hear* today, thanks to jenae for the link to find it.
Hi Erika! I’m so grateful to Janae for posting that link. I know exactly what you mean about trying to be “perfect,” having black or white thinking and “all or nothing.” I have often beat myself up over food & other things for not being perfect, but it’s just not realistic. We are all human, doing the very best we can with the knowledge we have. I hope this has helped you be gentler with yourself. If you do decide to go fully vegan, awesome! But if you decide to leave the label open and do vegetarian sometimes, that’s awesome, too! You sound like a compassionate & conscientious person. Don’t forget that you deserve your compassion, too
Thank you for commenting, Erika! I’ll admit I was nervous about publishing this post, but when I read comments like yours, I know it was for the best.
Sent here from Bring-Joy. Always shocked by the anger and judgement that can be present in the vegan community. Do the people leaving such hate-filled, judgmental, PIOUS comments expect perfection in every other aspect of their lives? Are they perfectly kind? Perfectly compassionate? Perfectly charitable? It seems that those attributes need more defense and cultivation than decisions over whether one should drink milk from grass fed, free range cows. Is life really so small that a woman merits hatred when she eats a cake made with a little bit of cream? I shudder at the thought.
I love this point! Great questions to ask! Clearly they are falling short in a few places…and we all fall short somewhere! And that’s okay! I have never appreciated one-perspective dogmatic teachings, even as a vegan, and those kinds of views have never been welcome here. This blog is not a cult, but one where we celebrate food. Sometimes “imperfect” food.
Welcome, Meg!
Wow… the ethical questions about what we eat…. how these questions can stir some of us into a tizzy. Defensively defending our every bite, every choice, every purchase. We are obsessed with choice, yet overwhelmed with it as well. Like any choice we make in life, we need to follow our hearts. Our minds are far to analytical.
I totally agree, Jayme! There are going to be ethical issues with nearly everything we eat- It’s impossible to never cause harm, even if it’s unintentional. All we can do is the best we can with the knowledge we have. And yes, follow our hearts <3
Hi there. I have been vegetarian since I was 13 (25 years ago!). For 6 of those years I was a VERY strict vegan. Then one day my 18 month old baby tried to give me a spoonfull of her non vegan yogurt. I refused it. I felt bad as I had upset her. I carried on being vegan for another 6 monthe, like you feeling like I was left out of all social occasions, party cakes at work, tea parties for the children etc. So I debated and decided to be just vegetarian. I still struggle with my decision, I feel that I have let millions of animals down. I have 3 lovely children, (my daughter haad been veggie for 5 years now). I eat mainly vegan food at home, but if we go out I can now join in with the rest of my family and enjoy a proper meal in a restaurant, or an ice cream at the sea side (here in the UK it is very difficult to get any vegan fast food – unless you live in Brighton!). I do still feel guilty that I don’t do enough, but then I think I still do a lot more than a lot of other people do. Good luck to you – enjoy your life, you only get one xxx
Hi Carole! 25 years as a vegetarian is amazing!! Good for you
I’m glad you wrote this, because even though I didn’t talk about it, it’s actually a major reason I decided to ease up now. While I’m not planning on having babies tomorrow, I am starting to think about it. The *idea* of raising vegan children sounded nice until I thought about all of the situations you’ve mentioned- cake at birthday parties, ice cream on the waterfront, etc. As much as I think animal rights are important & want to teach my kids about being compassionate, I also don’t want to be rigid about things like birthday cake & eating at restaurants. I also don’t want to have to feel isolated from them & their father by something like food (like the situation you mentioned with the yogurt). Good for you for balancing compassion for animals, as well as for yourself & for your children. How amazing that your daughter is a veggie, too! You sound like an amazing mom 
I am really tired of the all or nothing attitude. it does not have to be all or nothing, even those who participate in something like “Meatless Mondays” help the plant based movement in many ways.
the anger and energy would be better directed at legislation, at bringing change to current industry practices (animals as food industry is NOT going away, but it CAN be more compassionate), not attacking one another.
“angry vegans” are why I only use that word as a recipe label – following a plant based lifestyle is something I do, but that label is not one I embrace, it has not been welcoming.
it does no good to attack someone who is mostly vegan, or even not at all vegan and “just vegetarian”. all that does is make the vegan name more controversial, and turns people off.
I suppose it is an easier attack, though. another thing that will never change.
great point on legislation! I have always known that that is sadly the reality- that we will never end animals as a food industry, but we should be fighting to make it as compassionate as possible. Vegetarians and “part-time vegans” are not the enemy- the system is. We need to re-direct the negative energy here, & educate with compassion.
I think even if I do go back to vegan, I will never use the label again because of the stigma attached (due to thoss preaching dogmatic, cult-type thinking). However, I feel very comforted by many of the amazing comments from real, COMPASSIONATE vegans, vegetarians, omnivores, & plant-based eaters on this post! I’m overwhelmed by how many kind-hearted people there are out there. I really appreciate your emails, too, Kristina
As nervous as I was about publishing this post, I think it has all been for the best.
I’ve so been there. I did the vegan-at-home, vegetarian-while-out thing for several years. Unfortunately, for me it turned into a slippery slope, that cheese stuff is just so addictive, I would get excited to go out to a restaurant and order something with cheese in it! I also listened to one of Colleen Patrick-Goudreau’s podcast episodes called “Speaking Your Truth” and in that episode she convinced me that it is worth it to stay vegan out and about. Might be worth a listen, not to guilt yourself but just to hear that perspective.
Again, no judgments from me, I’ve had difficulties staying vegan myself and even though I’m back to a vegan place now, I do understand where you’re coming from.
Thank you, Rebekah! I really appreciate what you had to say (and that you said it so kindly). That’s something I have thought about, that maybe I just needed to relax & will go back to it eventually. But even if I do, I don’t think I will use the vegan label again (only because of some of the harsh critiquing that has surfaced as a result of this post).
I can see how it could be a slippery slope. But I truthfully prefer vegan options when they’re available anyway, & I am lactose intolerant, so I really have to decide if something is “worth it.” I’m not the biggest cheese-craver either (though I looove Daiya!), but I guess my weakness is desserts. I’ve been excited to buy only *one* of certain things lately, savour them, & feel like the craving is satisfied. When I know there are vegan options, I do choose them instead. I’m lucky that I prefer vegan food at least
And I still prepare it at home.
Thank you for your comment, Rebekah <3 I will definitely check out that podcast!